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4 Keys to Boosting Your Inner Confidence

Writer's picture: Tony SotresTony Sotres




I've been helping and guiding others for a few years now, and the biggest thing I've learned - both for me and for my clients - is that inner confidence is the key to it all.


There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but they're all redundant if the foundation isn't there. That foundation is the real you, the you that you know deep down that's the real you. The trick is that it takes confidence to find that and to bring out who you are – here are the four keys to real inner confidence.


1. Get To Know Your Values


Personal values are a big passion of mine and I often get carried away with myself when I talk about them. I make no apology for that though – they’re one of the most important things you can know about yourself and are vital in getting genuine inner confidence. Your values are right at the very core of who you are; and they’re the building blocks, the foundations and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that’s most important to you, and could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.


Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? It’s because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed or repressed – and we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, amazing or buzzing? Those are the times when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.




Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they’re there all the time just waiting for you to notice and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is that you’re allowing who you are to live in the real world.


2. Exercise the Muscle


Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find.


How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time until you see the results you were looking for.


It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself. You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ That kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be and so the less confident they become.




To work your confidence muscle, you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way. You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do and who you are. The more open you are to risk, opportunity and possibility the more confident you need to be, and so the more confidence you’ll develop. That’s your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?"


3. Your Past Can Be a Tool


Your past is a great tool to utilize and take advantage of when we are trying to build confidence and strength within ourselves. Often times we are


aware of the things we are not so good at, and we tend to put our focus into those negative past events and actions, but we tend to forget the things we are good at. We might forget the things we have strength in and are good at doing so we can use our past to boost our confidence.


When we look back at our past, we tend focus on some of the shortcomings or the things we are not good at, but if we shift this focus into the things we can do, it can boost our confidence. Try to think back at a time where you felt at your best. Think back at a goal you accomplished, some adversity you faced, or even challenges you overcame. By peeking into the past, we can utilize those same skills we used back then for our future endeavors. Those same skills we used to overcome obstacles and adversity in the past are the same skills we can use in the present.


We often forget how strong, creative, courageous, and confident we actually are! Let us remind ourselves by telling a story where we were the hero. Never forget the uniqueness of our presence and the impact we have had in this world. Remember that we have felt glory before and that we will once again triumph in confidence.


These simple key elements have helped me and others that have made a commitment to build confidence within themselves. These key elements build a foundation of confidence that help us and guide us into our genuine selves. Think back when we felt confident...Where we being ourselves? Where we being genuine? Was it because we knew what we were doing?


So, the final key element to your confidence is


number 4, YOU! You are the major key for this confidence. No one else is 'youer' than you! Be yourself. Love what you do and produce. Be confident in who you are by doing the necessary steps to become the confident version of yourself. You are already it...we just got to believe it.










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